Leadership · 3 min read · 22 October 2026 · By Bhargab Das

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes (2026): 5 Conflict Styles and When to Use Each

Most people don't have a conflict problem. They have a conflict habit.

Five ways to handle disagreement, plotted by how much you push for your view and how much you care about theirs.

Key takeaways

Five styles: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, accommodating
Each one fits some situations
Most people overuse one or two styles
Choose based on stakes, time and relationship
Collaborate on important, complex issues when time allows

The Thomas-Kilmann model describes five conflict styles based on assertiveness and cooperativeness: competing (high assertiveness, low cooperation), collaborating (high both), compromising (middle), avoiding (low both) and accommodating (low assertiveness, high cooperation). No style is always right. Good leaders know their default style and choose deliberately based on the stakes, time and relationship.

How I put this guide together. The model was created by Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann in the 1970s and is measured with the paid Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI). This guide explains the styles for everyday use; the examples are illustrative.

The five conflict styles at a glance

Style	Assertive?	Cooperative?	Use it when	Overuse leads to
Competing	High	Low	Emergencies, unpopular but necessary decisions	Resentment, people stop speaking up
Collaborating	High	High	Important issues, both sides' needs matter, time allows	Slow decisions on small matters
Compromising	Medium	Medium	Equal power, a quick workable deal is needed	Half-solutions nobody loves
Avoiding	Low	Low	Trivial issues, emotions need to cool	Problems grow unseen
Accommodating	Low	High	You're wrong, or the relationship matters more	Being taken for granted

Do you need this model?

It's useful if:

The same disagreements keep coming back.
You either avoid conflict or win every argument, and neither feels right.
Your team is polite in meetings and frustrated afterwards.
You're mediating between two people or departments.

Avoiding conflict isn't the same as keeping the peace.

Many teams, especially in hierarchical workplaces, treat disagreement as disrespect. The result is quiet resistance: people nod in the meeting and do something else afterwards. Healthy teams disagree openly about ideas, then commit.

1. Competing

Pushing for your position, using authority or argument.

Right for a safety issue, a crisis, or a decision only you can make.
Wrong as a default; people stop sharing bad news.

Good to know: if you compete, explain why, and acknowledge the other view.

Best for: urgent, high-stakes decisions.

2. Collaborating

Working together to find a solution that fully meets both sides' needs.

Takes time and trust.
Produces the best answers on complex problems.

Sales wants faster discounts; finance wants margin control. Collaborating might produce a pre-approved discount band, with exceptions reviewed weekly.

Good to know: collaborating starts with asking what each side really needs, not what they're demanding.

Best for: important, complex issues where both sides matter.

3. Compromising

Each side gives something up to reach a quick, acceptable deal.

Good to know: compromise is efficient, but check that you're not splitting the difference on something that deserves a proper solution.

Best for: time pressure and equal bargaining power.

4. Avoiding

Postponing or sidestepping the issue.

Good to know: avoiding is a valid choice when emotions are high. Say when you'll come back to it, and do.

5. Accommodating

Putting the other person's needs first.

Good to know: accommodating when you're wrong builds credibility. Accommodating every time teaches people that pushing works.

How to handle a team conflict in five steps

Name it: "It seems we see this differently. Let's talk it through."
Separate facts from interpretations using the Ladder of Inference.
Ask each side what they need, not just what they want.
Choose a style based on stakes, time and relationship.
Agree the decision and who owns it, then follow up.

Our verdict: which style should you use?

Situation	Best style
Crisis or safety issue	Competing
Strategic, complex, important	Collaborating
Deadline, equal power	Compromising
Trivial or emotionally heated	Avoiding (for now)
You're wrong, or the relationship matters most	Accommodating

The best leaders aren't defined by one style. They know their default, and switch deliberately.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the five Thomas-Kilmann conflict modes?

Competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding and accommodating.

Which conflict style is the best?

None is always best. Collaborating suits important, complex issues; competing suits emergencies; avoiding suits trivial issues. Choose based on the situation.

What is the TKI?

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument is a paid questionnaire that measures how often you use each of the five styles.

What's the difference between collaborating and compromising?

Collaborating aims for a solution that fully satisfies both sides; compromising settles for a middle ground where both sides give something up.

How do I find my default conflict style?

Think about your last three disagreements and how you handled them, or ask a trusted colleague. The formal TKI assessment is another option.

How do managers resolve conflict between two team members?

Meet each person first, then together. Focus on facts and needs, help them find options, agree a decision and owner, and follow up.

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Written byBhargab Das Marketing strategist for startups and growing brands

Bhargab has led marketing and growth for technology and consumer businesses, and helps professionals present their experience clearly. More about Bhargab · Editorial policy